Schlado 2023

The red for people who've decided they don't like red.

Ben: Eight varieties, three different skin treatments, assembled the way two ex-chefs build a plate. Eleven percent alcohol, and it goes in the fridge. The oldest vines in the blend went into the ground in 1972, the youngest in 2016. The name is short for “Scheisslanger Donnerstag” — their words for an extremely long Thursday, which is exactly the evening this bottle is built for.

In your glass: Cold, light and quick — a red built like a white: barely any drying grip, plenty of snap, eleven percent. The eight varieties aren't a gimmick; three separate skin treatments get folded together like the parts of a dish, which is exactly how two ex-chefs think. Pick it chilled for spicy food or a warm evening; if you want a red that feels like red — weight, grip, warmth — this is the opposite.

Serve it: 45 minutes in the fridge — treat it like a white.

You’ll probably love it if: Red usually feels like too much — this is the red for people who've decided they don't like red.

Skip it if: Want a red with real weight → the red Bilaire (€9.90). Want pink and even easier → Newstalgia (€16.50).